12. Parenthood and Product Management
The parallels between the two and how parenting lessons can help PMs
Welcome! I’m Vincent and this is a Product Manager’s Notebook, a series of notes for people who are interested in sharing and learning the art of product management and career development. You can read my archive here.
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At my sister’s wedding, my Dad gave his father of the bride wedding speech. One of the highlights included this part:
“As a sales person, I’ve worked with many products in my life”, he said, “but my proudest product is my daughter.
Oh and of course, our other product, our son.”
Thanks Dad, not entirely necessary but I did appreciate the mention. 😅
Why do people feel so compelled to compare their children to products and vice versa? As I recently wrote about, it’s not ideal to think of your products as your children (see here: Your Product is not your Child). However, there are inherent parallels - some of which can help you.
To set the scene, we have a two and a half year old toddler and a new baby. We are both managing toddlerhood as well as being back in the trenches of newborn baby chaos.
1. Working backwards is your default mode
Working backwards, the art of working back from the customer value to the solution you’re building, is well-known within product management. Amazon built their whole PRFAQ framework around it, where you write a 6 page Press Release and FAQ before you start building to be clear about the customer value you’re creating.
As parents, working backwards is a constant battle.
What time does the baby need to sleep? How long can they be awake for before they’re overtired and when do we start putting them down since they need time to go down?
What time is swimming class? What time do we need to leave the house and when do we need to start putting on swim clothes? When do we start breakfast and need to finish so there’s enough time to digest?
What school do we want them to get into and which exams will they need to take to have a competitive advantage? What kind of lessons do they need to excel at the things?
What kind of person do we want them to grow up to be, and how do we want to parent them to be happy, healthy and kind?
As parents and PMs, working backwards from where want to be helps us to plan, and work out the important stuff.
Asking the why
Kids are notorious for asking questions about why. Why this, why that? But why?
As we look for the right answers to give them, digging deeper, trying not to say “because it is.”
Being a PM is similar, and there are many questions we need to answer.
Why do customers think this is a problem, and what were they trying to do when this became a problem?
Why do we think this problem is a priority?
Why do we think solving this will “move the needle” for our product or business? Why do we think this will help us against our competitors and why do we think this will scale?
Empathy with your users
Talking with your children requires a lot of empathy.
The toddler throwing a tantrum is having some big feelings that they doesn’t understand. As their parents, we understand them best and we know the difference, whether they’re feeling tired, ill, or just having a bad day.
As PMs, it’s also important to understand and empathise with our customers and our users. We need to have emotional intelligence to listen and understand their concerns, and design products that fit their needs.
Do they really need that extra step in our design to do what we’re asking them to do? Is that 5 minute wait really acceptable or will it frustrate them? Is this a problem that really bothers them or something they don’t really care about?
Having empathy with your product’s customers, users AND our internal partners is a critical skill for all PMs to have.
…and now, back to work
There are certainly parallels between product management and parenthood. That’s not to say that good parents make good product managers or vice versa. However, there are good lessons to learn between both and I’m often reminded of them.
On that note, I’ve just returned to the office from 14 weeks of parental leave for child number 2.
Parental leave has been a special time, not only working as a team with my better half back in the trenches of the sleepless nights and screaming cries, but also bonding with the new baby and our toddler. Parenthood, especially new parenthood, is all consuming. The nights turn into days and the days turn into nights. What is time?
And among that, there is a lot of beautiful moments and bringing a new life into this world is one of the most wonderful things one can experience.
Taking time off is a privilege and one I hope many, especially dads, can experience. Many countries don’t support parental time off for dads, and in many circumstances, men worry about how they’re seen in the workplace, whether they miss out on opportunities or lose their jobs in the process.
In Japan, fathers are allowed parental leave but rarely take them for fear of reprisal. A friend of mine who works in the City recently told me that he came back from six months parental leave to find himself in need of a new job. Financial stability for both parents is needed for them to take leave and it’s a reflection of your workplace how they support your important life events.
And just like that…I’m back.
Business planning is still in motion. Sales has the same questions about the way we charge. Familiar layers of admin piling on one another. And year end results arrive with a nice little surprise in store.
Going forward, I think I’ll reduce the frequency of this newsletter from weekly to…less. I haven’t decided exactly what that’ll be yet. I still have thoughts I need to process and share, but the reality of having a full-time job with goals to deliver and managing life with two kids is a very full plate. We will see.
Thanks for reading, I wish you a successful 2025 and I hope you’ll continue with me on this journey.